Few of us perceived the glorious horizon that had opened up to the citizens of what is now Трuмпостан (Trumpostan) when Donald J. Trump was inaugurated as President of the then United States.

As we approach another Trumpostan Liberation Day, we must remind ourselves that it was only a few short years ago that President Trump declared Volodymyr Zelensky to be the “dictator” of Ukraine, and that he, Trump, “had the power” to bring a swift end to the conflict that had engulfed the country as a result of Zelensky’s autocratic desire to have Ukraine join NATO and deprive millions of Ukrainians of their ancient and rightful Russian heritage.

Reaction to Trump’s brave declaration was swift. Vladimir Putin, whose noble forces had been waging a desperate, three-year battle to return usurped Ukrainian land and citizenry to the nurturing embrace of Mother Russia, met with the Orange Savior (as Trump would come to be known) at Putin’s humble dacha in Karelia and devised a daring plan to end the conflict.

In exchange for the Ukrainian territory already held by Russian patriots, plus approximately half of the rest of Ukraine, Russia would cease all hostilities and instead join with newly-deployed American troops in securing the so-called “Other Half” of the country to provide border security against the predations of jealous and selfish NATO members, and to restore internal civic order.

Restoration of war-damaged infrastructure and dwellings would be funded by a US-Russian joint venture, in which both American and Russian patriot-oligarchs could invest their cryptocurrencies, with the goal of turning the shabby ruins of what had been Ukraine into a glorious “Crimean Riviera.”

All this and more came quickly to pass, until all that was left was to rechristen the Other Half of the former Ukraine with a name that would properly honor its remarkable resurgence. After a free and democratic referendum, the name “Trumpostan” was adopted by universal acclamation, and Donald J. Trump and Vladimir Putin became, by similarly democratic vote, its Co-Premiers in Perpetuity.

Trump of course had other duties to attend to, and did not take up his full-time retirement residence in Trumpostan until after his third term, by which point the liberated land had become the 53rd State of the American Union, following the happy fates of Greenland and Canada.

And so we elders who remember those glorious days wish all of you lucky acolytes of the Orange Savior a very happy Trumpostan Liberation Day!