1. Meetings will not be held on a Monday, Thursday, Saturday, or Sunday, as they might interfere with football. Fridays and Wednesdays are out because they are the beginning of the weekend and hump day, respectively. That leaves Tuesday.
2. An attendee may hug everyone once on arrival and again on departure. That’s all.
3. Meetings will be held at a location with the lowest average distance to the members’ homes (other than any member’s house). If that happens to be a bar, fine.
4. Our reading list will initially consist of everything we were supposed to read in high school but may have skipped large parts of because we were trying out for the football and/or basketball teams, e.g. Moby Dick, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Lord of the Flies, The Great Gatsby, The Catcher in the Rye, Macbeth, A Separate Peace, Death of a Salesman.
5. We will vote on whether to read Pride and Prejudice.
6. Under no circumstances will we read The Canterbury Tales or Wuthering Heights.
7. No wine. Beer.
8. Any attendee’s account of his last golf game will be strictly limited to a half-hour.
9. There will be no discussion of how a particular theme/character/passage relates to your own life. There may be discussion of how it relates to football.
10. After we have finished our initial reading list (see above), and again after finishing each succeeding book, a vote will be taken as to whether the next selection should be a book by (a) Cormac McCarthy; (b) Tom Clancy; or (c) Michael Lewis.
11. No crying. Silent weeping may be allowed in exceptional circumstances.
12. The leader/moderator role will rotate among the members in order of golf handicap. Those with no golf handicap should question their continued participation in the club, or life in general.
13. Any suggestion that we read Fifty Shades of anything will result in immediate disbanding of the club. Real porn will of course be accorded normal consideration.